FemPhases Editorial Team, Author at FemPhases

Starting Again Without Starting from Nothing

Starting again after divorce, bereavement, retirement, career change or another major transition can feel frightening because the life you understood has changed. You might also experience guilt, shame, or fear about the future. Remember, you are not beginning empty-handed: you are carrying experience, knowledge, relationships, skills and a clearer understanding of what you can—and can no longer—live with. The new beginning may not look hopeful at first. It may look like sitting at a kitchen table surrounded by paperwork after a marriage ends. It may be waking on the first Monday after retirement with nowhere you are expected to be. It may be opening a wardrobe after bereavement and seeing another person’s clothes beside your own. Sometimes starting again begins not with excitement, but with the quiet recognition that the old life is no longer available. A Quick Answer Reinvention does not require you to erase everything that came before or become a completely different woman. A major transition may change your home, income, relationships, routine and sense of identity. Even a change you chose can bring stress, doubt and grief. The NHS guidance on grief and loss explains that grief can follow the loss of something or someone important and may involve many different emotions. Consider seeking support from counselors, support groups, or trusted friends to help process these feelings. Starting again means deciding what to carry forward, what to release and what must be rebuilt within the reality of your health, finances, family responsibilities and available support. It is rarely a clean break. More often, it is a gradual reorganisation of life. Why Starting Again Can Feel So Difficult 1. You may be grieving more than one loss After divorce, you may grieve the relationship, your home, shared friendships and the future you expected. After bereavement, you may lose not only someone you love but also the routines, roles and private language that existed between you. Retirement can involve the loss of status, structure and daily contact. A career change may mean releasing an identity you worked years to build. These losses can exist alongside relief, and recognizing this can help women feel understood and validated, even when feeling unsettled. Relief does not cancel grief. 2. Your old identity may no longer fit Perhaps you were known as someone’s wife, a senior manager, a full-time mother, a carer or the person who always knew what came next. When that role changes, ordinary introductions can feel unexpectedly difficult. You may hesitate when somebody asks what you do or who you live with because the old answer is no longer accurate and the new one has not fully formed. The discomfort may not mean you have lost yourself. It may mean your identity is being revised. 3. Practical pressures do not pause for emotional recovery The world may expect you to make important decisions while you are exhausted. You may need to understand pensions, housing, benefits, childcare, retraining or legal documents. You may have to return to work while grieving, find accommodation after separation or care for an ageing relative while rebuilding your own life. The language of reinvention often skips over these realities. Not every woman has savings, flexible work, good health, family support or the freedom to disappear on a journey of self-discovery. Sometimes the most courageous new beginning is not dramatic. It is creating enough stability to breathe. Other people may have opinions about your future Family members may want you to recover quickly, remain available or make choices that feel comfortable to them. After divorce, someone may ask when you will date again. After bereavement, people may become uncomfortable when your grief lasts longer than they expected. After retirement, you may be given a list of things you should now be available to do for everyone else. Advice can sound encouraging while quietly asking you to abandon your own pace. What Starting Again Can Look Like in Everyday Life It may look less like transformation and more like small, awkward firsts, which can help women feel hopeful and capable of progress. You may eat alone in a restaurant and feel both proud and exposed. You may attend a class where everyone appears more confident. You may apply for a job under a new surname or write an emergency contact who is no longer the person you used to name. You might notice: Feeling hopeful one day and frightened the next Missing a life you know you could not continue living Questioning decisions that once felt clear Comparing your beginning with somebody else’s established life Feeling embarrassed about money, housing or work changes Wanting company but finding social contact exhausting Becoming impatient with yourself for not “moving on” Discovering that some relationships depended on your former role Feeling guilty when something new brings pleasure Realising that you want different things than you did before What may be happening beneath the surface Some discomfort is a normal part of adjustment, helping women feel less alone and more accepted in their feelings. Grief may arrive in waves, particularly around anniversaries, family events or unexpected reminders. Burnout may leave you too depleted to imagine a future, while anxiety may fill every option with possible disaster. Depression is more than feeling sad during a difficult period. It may involve persistent low mood, hopelessness, loss of interest, low motivation and difficulty functioning over weeks or months. The NHS information about low mood and depression advises seeking help when low mood lasts longer than two weeks, becomes difficult to manage or does not improve with self-care. Unhelpful assumptions women often carry You may find yourself believing: “At my age, I should already have life worked out.” “If I start again, everything before this was wasted.” “Strong women recover quickly.” “I need a complete plan before taking one step.” “Asking for help proves I cannot cope.” “I must become more successful to prove the change was worthwhile.” “Everyone else has moved forward except me.” “I am too old, too tired or too financially

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The Quiet Grief of an Empty Nest

When children leave home, the grief can be surprisingly deep, even when their independence is exactly what you hoped and worked for. Sadness, relief, pride, and loneliness can coexist without implying that you are ungrateful or unable to let your child grow. The house may not become completely silent. The washing machine still turns. Your phone still rings. Work, bills and ordinary responsibilities continue. Yet something familiar has disappeared from the day: footsteps on the stairs, a half-finished conversation, a bedroom light left on or the quiet knowledge that your child is sleeping under the same roof. A Quick Answer The quiet grief of an empty nest is an understandable response to a meaningful change in family life. You might also feel guilt, sadness, or question your identity, and acknowledging these feelings can help you feel less isolated during this transition. Grief can follow many kinds of loss and may include sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, tiredness or emotional numbness. It does not unfold in one neat sequence, and acceptance does not require you to like what has changed. The NHS guidance on grief and loss explains that reactions to loss vary widely. Most women gradually begin to adjust. However, if you notice persistent hopelessness, severe anxiety, or difficulty managing daily tasks, it may be a sign to seek additional support and reassurance. Why the Empty Nest Can Feel So Personal 1. Your identity may have been organised around caregiving For years, your days may have been shaped by school calendars, meals, lifts, appointments, worries and the constant mental task of noticing what another person needed. Even if you also had a career, relationship and interests of your own, parenting may have provided a powerful sense of purpose. When the daily work of caring suddenly reduces, you may wonder where to place all the attention that used to flow towards your child. The question beneath the sadness may be: Who am I when I am no longer needed in the same way? Exploring new hobbies, interests, or roles can help redefine your purpose and restore a sense of importance. 2. You are losing ordinary closeness The deepest loss is not always the dramatic one. You may miss hearing your child arrive home, discussing a television programme or sharing food without arranging it weeks in advance. Once a child moves away, connection often becomes scheduled. A quick conversation in the kitchen becomes a planned phone call. You may still be close, but the relationship now requires a different rhythm. 3. Relief can bring guilt You may enjoy the calm. There may be less cooking, mess, conflict, driving or worrying about someone coming home late. Relief does not cancel love. It simply acknowledges that active parenting required time, vigilance and energy. Many women feel guilty because they believe a devoted mother should experience only sadness. In reality, mixed feelings are common during major transitions. You can miss your child and appreciate having more space. 4. Other midlife changes may be happening too A child leaving may coincide with menopause, retirement planning, financial pressure, bereavement or caring for ageing relatives. Your relationship may also be changing after years spent focusing on family life. The empty nest can therefore expose emotions that were already waiting beneath the surface. It may not have caused every difficulty, but it can remove the noise that helped you avoid noticing them. What the Quiet Grief Can Look Like You may walk into your child’s room to open a window and find yourself sitting on the bed, holding a forgotten jumper. You may prepare too much food, check your phone repeatedly or feel unexpectedly tearful in the supermarket when you see something they used to eat. Other signs may include: Feeling low after visits or phone calls end Worrying excessively about your child’s safety Struggling with evenings and weekends Losing motivation to cook or maintain familiar routines Feeling irritated by a partner who appears less affected Avoiding friends whose children still live at home Keeping your child’s room untouched because changing it feels disloyal Feeling lonely despite having a partner or social contacts Wondering whether your most meaningful years are behind you Loneliness is not simply the absence of people. It can arise when the connection available does not match the connection you need. The World Health Organization describes social connection in terms of the number, function and quality of our relationships. What may be happening beneath the surface Your experience may involve: Understandable discomfort: The house feels strange, but you can still enjoy other parts of life. Grief: You are mourning daily closeness and a familiar stage of motherhood. Loneliness: You need more regular or meaningful connection. Anxiety: Worry about your child becomes difficult to control. Relationship strain: You and your partner are discovering that parenting previously organised much of your life together. Depression: Low mood, hopelessness or loss of interest persists and affects daily functioning. These experiences can overlap. Feeling sad during a transition does not automatically mean you have depression, but prolonged distress should not be dismissed as “just the empty nest.” Unhelpful assumptions women often carry You may find yourself believing: “If I prepared my child properly, I should not be upset.” “A good mother should always be available.” “Enjoying the freedom means I wanted them gone.” “I should fill every empty hour immediately.” “My partner and I should automatically become close again.” “It is too late to discover new interests.” “My child’s independence means I am no longer important.” Your role is changing, not disappearing. Adult children may need a different form of support, but your relationship can continue without the same daily dependence. Creating a Life Around the New Quiet 1. Allow yourself to name the loss You do not have to minimise the experience because your child is safe and building a life. Try naming what you miss specifically. Is it companionship, routine, physical closeness or feeling needed? Clearer language can help you find the right kind of support. 2. Agree on

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Why Friendships Change in Midlife

Friendships often change in midlife because the lives, responsibilities and emotional needs of both women have changed. The distance can hurt, but it does not automatically mean the friendship failed or that either of you did something wrong. You may still love the friend who knew you before the career, the children, the marriage, the divorce or the years of caring for everyone else. Yet the conversation that once flowed for hours may now feel cautious, rushed or strangely unfamiliar. Sometimes there is an argument. More often, there is simply less contact until you realise that months have passed and neither of you knows how to bridge the gap. A Quick Answer Midlife friendships may become stronger, quieter, more selective or occasionally come to an end. Women can find themselves at very different life stages despite being the same age, and the friendship may need to take a different shape if it is going to continue. One woman may be raising teenagers while another is caring for an ageing parent. One may be newly single, starting a business, or living with an illness, while another is enjoying greater freedom for the first time. The affection may still be there. What has changed is the amount of time, energy and shared experience available to hold the relationship together. Social connection is not simply about how many people you know. It also involves whether your relationships provide the quality, care, variety and sense of belonging you need, according to the CDC’s overview of social connection. Why Friendships Often Shift in Midlife 1. Your lives may no longer move at the same pace Friendships are easier to maintain when two people regularly occupy the same places. School, university, early jobs, and young parenthood can lead to frequent, unplanned contact. Midlife often removes that shared structure. Work intensifies, families move, health changes, and caring responsibilities expand. A friend who does not reply may be working late, sitting beside a parent in hospital or trying to manage a child who is struggling. Understanding this does not erase your disappointment, but it may change the story you tell yourself about her silence. 2. You may be in different emotional seasons One woman may want adventure while another needs stability. One may be celebrating a promotion while another is grieving redundancy, divorce or infertility. Even good news can expose emotional distance. You may hesitate to speak about your happiness because your friend is struggling, or feel guilty about not offering enthusiastic support while your own life feels difficult. Neither woman has to be cruel for the friendship to become harder to navigate. 3. Emotional maturity can alter what you tolerate As you grow older, you may become less willing to accept repeated cancellations, competitive comments, gossip or conversations in which your needs rarely matter. You may also recognise patterns you once called loyalty: Always being the listener Apologising to keep the peace Hiding success to avoid tension Allowing jokes that leave you feeling diminished Being contacted mainly when somebody needs help Carrying the whole responsibility for staying in touch Greater self-awareness may strengthen a friendship that can tolerate honesty. It may expose the limits of one that cannot. 4. New boundaries can feel like rejection A friend who once answered every call may now protect her evenings. Someone who regularly lent money, provided childcare or absorbed hours of distress may decide she no longer has the capacity. A boundary can be healthy and still feel painful to the person on the other side. The difficulty often lies in distinguishing between a friend who is protecting her wellbeing and one who has emotionally withdrawn without explanation. 5. Friendship may be competing with emotional overload Workplace pressure, menopause symptoms, parenting, caregiving, financial strain and relationship difficulties can leave little energy for friendship. This does not necessarily mean the relationship has lost value. It may mean one or both women are functioning with very little emotional room. Burnout or prolonged stress can make even enjoyable contact feel like another demand. Depression, by contrast, may reduce interest and connection across many parts of life, not only within one friendship. What Changing Friendship Can Feel Like It may look like opening social media and discovering that your friend celebrated something important without telling you. It may be repeatedly saying, “We really must meet,” even though you both know no date will be set. You might notice: You exchange birthday messages but little else. You are always the one who initiates contact. Conversations remain polite but no longer feel intimate. Your values or lifestyles have diverged. You feel tense before meeting rather than comforted. You leave interactions feeling invisible, judged or depleted. You miss the history more than the present relationship. You feel jealous of her newer friendships. You avoid reaching out because too much time has passed. You feel lonely despite having people around you. Loneliness is not always the absence of company. It can arise when the available connection does not match the one you need. The NHS guide to loneliness notes that loneliness can affect anyone and that understanding its cause may help you decide what kind of connection is missing. What may be happening beneath the surface A changing friendship may involve several emotional experiences: Understandable discomfort: You are adjusting to reduced contact but still feel supported elsewhere. Grief: You miss the person, the shared history or the version of yourself that existed beside her. Emotional exhaustion: You care but have little energy available for another relationship. Anxiety: You fear rejection, overanalyse messages or avoid reaching out. Depression: Withdrawal, low mood and loss of interest affect most areas of your life. Relational harm: The friendship repeatedly involves manipulation, humiliation, control or ignored boundaries. Not every friendship difficulty is a mental-health concern. But ongoing isolation, hopelessness or withdrawal from nearly everyone deserves closer attention. Unhelpful assumptions women often carry You may believe: “A lifelong friendship should last forever.” “If she cared, she would always make time.” “Making new friends

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What to Do When Your Career No Longer Fits You

Realising that your career no longer fits can be unsettling, but it does not automatically mean you are ungrateful, failing, or in crisis. It may reflect burnout, changing values, boredom, an unhealthy workplace or the simple truth that the woman who chose this path is no longer the woman living it. You may still be competent. Other people may still admire what you do. Yet on Sunday evening, a familiar heaviness begins to settle over you. You open your laptop, prepare your uniform or think about the week ahead and wonder, How did something I once wanted become something I now struggle to face? A Quick Answer When your career no longer fits, the first step is not necessarily to resign. It is to understand what has changed, which can help you feel more hopeful and in control of your next steps. You may need recovery rather than reinvention. You may need a different workplace rather than a different profession. Or you may genuinely be ready to build a new direction. The answer often becomes clearer when you separate four questions: Am I exhausted? Am I underused or bored? Have my values changed? Is the work itself no longer right for me? These experiences can overlap, but they do not always require the same solution. Why a Career Can Stop Feeling Like Yours 1. Prolonged pressure may have become burnout Burnout is more than feeling tired after a difficult week. The World Health Organisation describes it as an occupational phenomenon resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed, involving exhaustion, growing distance or cynicism towards work and reduced professional effectiveness. The WHO explanation of occupational burnout offers further detail. You may still care deeply about the purpose of your work while feeling unable to continue under its present conditions. Heavy workloads, low control, poor management, unclear responsibilities, discrimination and difficult workplace relationships can all contribute to work-related stress. These are not always problems that can be solved by becoming more organised or resilient. The NHS guidance on work-related stress explains how workplace conditions can affect wellbeing. 2. You may be bored rather than burnt out Boredom can be quieter than burnout. You may complete your work successfully but feel little interest, challenge or pride in it, which helps you identify subtle signs of dissatisfaction. Perhaps you have been doing the same tasks for years. There is nowhere meaningful to progress, your strongest abilities are rarely used, or the role has become predictable enough that you feel mentally absent. Boredom does not make you lazy. It may be telling you that you need learning, variety, responsibility or a stronger sense of contribution. 3. Your values may have changed The career you chose at 22, 32 or 42 may have met needs that are no longer central. Perhaps status once mattered, but now you value time. You may want creativity instead of security, autonomy instead of promotion or work that leaves enough energy for your family and health. Changing values do not mean your earlier choices were mistakes. They may simply belong to an earlier chapter. 4. Life outside work may have changed the equation Career decisions do not happen in isolation. You may be caring for children or ageing parents, living with a health condition, recovering from loss or managing a household that depends on your income. A once sustainable job may no longer fit the practical realities of your life. Sometimes the problem is not a lack of ambition. It is that you have no unused time, money or energy with which to pursue it. What It Can Look Like in Everyday Life A career mismatch does not always announce itself dramatically. It may look like sitting in your car before work because you cannot make yourself go inside. It may be watching colleagues discuss promotion while privately thinking, I do not want the next level of this. You might notice: Feeling relief when meetings are cancelled Becoming unusually irritated by ordinary tasks Doing the minimum because your motivation has disappeared Fantasising about unrelated careers Feeling envious when someone retrains or starts a business Questioning abilities you previously trusted Struggling to care about goals that once motivated you Feeling emotionally empty after work Staying because the salary, pension or flexibility feels impossible to replace Feeling ashamed because you “should” be grateful What may be happening beneath the surface The discomfort may be an understandable response to a temporary difficult period. A new manager, organisational change, a demanding project, or a family crisis can make work feel wrong for a while. Sustained exhaustion and detachment may point towards burnout. Sadness about lost ambitions or missed opportunities may contain grief. Anxiety may keep you imagining every possible consequence of change. Depression can affect motivation and enjoyment across work and the rest of life, rather than only during working hours. Persistent low mood, hopelessness, loss of interest or difficulty functioning deserve professional assessment. Unhelpful assumptions women often carry You may believe: “Leaving means I wasted all those years.” “Starting again means beginning from nothing.” “A responsible woman should be satisfied with security.” “I cannot change unless I know exactly what comes next.” “Everyone else is coping, so the problem must be me.” “I need to resign before I can explore anything new.” “It is too late to retrain.” “My family’s needs must always come before my own.” These assumptions can trap you between endurance and impulsive escape. A slower, more practical approach often creates better choices. Finding a Direction That Fits More Honestly 1. Identify what is wrong before choosing what is next For two weeks, note the moments when work feels most difficult and the moments when you feel more engaged. Ask yourself: Is the problem the workload, workplace, profession or schedule? Which tasks drain me most? Which abilities do I want to use more? What would need to change for this job to become manageable? Do I dislike the work, or am I too depleted to feel

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When You No Longer Feel Like the Woman You Used to Be

There may come a time when you look at your life and realise that you no longer feel like the woman who built it. This can be an understandable response to years of change, responsibility, loss, or adaptation, but sustained disconnection, hopelessness, or difficulty functioning deserve attention. Perhaps nothing dramatic has happened. You are still working, answering messages, paying bills and remembering what everyone needs. Yet privately, you feel absent from your own life. Recognising this feeling can help you feel understood and validated in your experience. A Quick Answer Losing touch with your former sense of self does not automatically mean that something is wrong with you. Identity changes throughout adulthood as relationships, bodies, careers, responsibilities and priorities change. The difficult part is that these changes do not always happen with your permission. You may have spent years becoming who other people needed: the dependable employee, capable mother, supportive partner, responsible daughter or calm friend. Those roles may be meaningful, but they can gradually leave little space for the parts of you that are curious, playful, ambitious, sensual, creative or simply tired. You may not need to return to the woman you used to be. Instead, focus on small choices and support to help you feel more in control of who you are becoming. Why You May Feel Far From Yourself 1. Your roles have changed Identity often becomes attached to what we repeatedly do. When children leave home, a relationship changes, a parent dies, retirement approaches, or a career ends, you may lose more than a routine-you might lose a familiar answer to the question, “Who am I?” which can deepen feelings of disconnection. Even positive transitions can unsettle identity. A promotion, a new relationship, a move, or long-awaited freedom may still require you to leave an earlier version of yourself behind. 2. You have been living in survival mode Sometimes you do not lose yourself all at once. You become less visible to yourself through hundreds of practical decisions. You work through lunch. You postpone an appointment. You stop seeing friends because arranging it feels like another task. You buy what the household needs but cannot remember the last thing you chose purely because you liked it. Stress can affect mood, concentration, decision-making, sleep and behaviour. The NHS guidance on stress notes that people may become overwhelmed, irritable, withdrawn or unable to enjoy the things they usually value. 3. Your body may feel unfamiliar Ageing, illness, medication, pregnancy, surgery, weight changes, menopause or chronic pain can alter how you experience your body. During perimenopause and menopause, some women experience poor sleep, anxiety, low mood, reduced confidence, memory difficulties and brain fog. These symptoms can affect relationships, work, and a woman’s sense of herself. The NHS overview of menopause symptoms explains these changes further. This does not mean every identity struggle is hormonal. It’s normal to feel confused or overwhelmed as physical and emotional changes interact with your life pressures, fostering compassion and patience. 4. You may be grieving an earlier self You can miss the woman you were without wanting her entire life back. Perhaps she was more spontaneous, confident or hopeful. Perhaps she trusted her body, had fewer responsibilities or believed there would always be more time. This grief may be especially complicated when the earlier version of you also struggled. You may miss her energy while remembering her insecurity, or envy her freedom while knowing she had not yet developed the strength you have now. 5. Your values may have changed A life that once suited you may begin to feel too small, too busy or built around goals you no longer value. You may no longer want the career you worked hard to achieve. A relationship dynamic you once accepted may now feel uncomfortable. Success may matter less than peace, autonomy or meaningful connection. Changing your mind is not proof that your earlier choices were mistakes. Those choices may have belonged to the woman you were then. What Emotional Disconnection Can Look Like You may notice it while standing in front of your wardrobe, surrounded by clothes that technically fit but no longer feel like yours. It may appear when someone asks what you enjoy doing, and you cannot think of an answer that does not involve work, children or helping somebody else. You might also notice: Looking at old photographs and feeling disconnected from the woman in them Losing confidence in decisions you once made easily Feeling emotionally flat even when life appears stable Going through routines without feeling fully present Avoiding mirrors, photographs or social occasions Resenting people who seem free to prioritise themselves Feeling guilty whenever you rest Fantasising about leaving your job, relationship or entire life Becoming unusually tearful, irritable or withdrawn Feeling that other people know your role but do not know you What may be happening beneath the surface The feeling may reflect one experience or several overlapping ones: Understandable discomfort: You are adjusting to change but can still experience interest, pleasure and connection. Grief: You are mourning a person, role, relationship, body, opportunity or stage of life. Burnout: You feel persistently exhausted, detached and less capable after prolonged pressure. Anxiety: Your mind remains alert to danger, uncertainty or everything that might go wrong. Depression: Low mood or loss of interest continues for weeks or months and affects daily life. Depression is more than an occasional difficult day. It can involve persistent sadness, hopelessness, low self-esteem, reduced motivation and loss of enjoyment. The NHS information on depression offers a fuller description. Unhelpful assumptions women often carry You may be telling yourself: “I should be grateful, so I have no right to feel unhappy.” “Everyone depends on me, so my needs must wait.” “Wanting change means I have failed.” “It is too late to become someone different.” “A good woman keeps coping without making life difficult for others.” “I need to make one dramatic change to feel alive again.” These beliefs can keep you stuck between endurance and

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Is It Normal to Be Afraid of Retirement?

Yes, feeling afraid of retirement can be a common response to a major life transition, even when you have looked forward to leaving work. It is worth paying attention to if the fear becomes overwhelming, disrupts your sleep or prevents you from making practical plans for the future. Retirement is often presented as a long-awaited reward: slow mornings, holidays, hobbies and freedom from deadlines. Yet when it begins to feel real, you may find yourself wondering what will replace the routine, income, relationships and sense of usefulness that work has provided. You can be tired of working and still be frightened to stop. Those feelings do not contradict each other. A Quick Answer Retirement changes more than your employment status. It can alter how you spend your time, how you describe yourself, who you see each day and how financially secure you feel. Fear does not necessarily mean you are making the wrong decision. It may mean that an important part of your life is changing before you can clearly imagine what will take its place. The World Health Organisation describes healthy ageing as having the opportunities and abilities needed to continue doing what you value. Retirement can therefore be approached not simply as the end of employment, but as a transition into a different way of contributing, connecting and living. Read the WHO guidance on healthy ageing and functional ability. Why Retirement Can Feel Frightening 1. Work has given your days a shape For years, your alarm, commute, meetings, shifts or responsibilities may have organised the week. Even a job you no longer enjoy can provide a reliable structure. Without it, Monday may look much like Thursday. This freedom can feel refreshing at first, but it can also create restlessness when there is nothing you need to get up for. You may not miss the job itself. You may miss knowing where you are supposed to be. 2. Your identity may be closely tied to your role When someone asks what you do, you may answer with your profession. That answer carries history, competence and social recognition. Retirement can raise uncomfortable questions: Who am I when I am no longer a nurse, teacher, manager or business owner? Will people still value my experience? Where will I feel useful? What will I talk about when work is no longer central to my life? This can be especially significant for women who spent years balancing paid work with caregiving. You may have moved from raising children to supporting parents while continuing to work, leaving little room to develop an identity entirely your own. 3. Financial uncertainty can make freedom feel unsafe You may worry about whether your pension and savings will last, and recognizing this can help you feel less alone in your financial concerns and more hopeful about finding solutions. Financial anxiety often grows in uncertainty. You might avoid checking pension statements because the figures feel intimidating, then feel more frightened because you still do not know where you stand. A practical retirement plan should include your expected income, essential expenses, debts, savings and the lifestyle you hope to maintain. The official MoneyHelper retirement checklist recommends creating a retirement budget and estimating your total income before deciding how and when to retire. 4. You may fear loneliness Work provides regular human contact, including conversations that may appear ordinary until they disappear. You might see colleagues more often than close friends. Retirement can mean losing shared lunches, familiar jokes, and the casual comfort of being noticed by others. Social connection supports mental and physical wellbeing, and maintaining strong relationships can help prevent health issues and improve quality of life during retirement. 5. Retirement may make other changes more visible The end of work may coincide with menopause, bereavement, children leaving home, caring responsibilities or changes in your health or relationship. A busy working life may also have protected you from questions you did not have time to answer. Retirement can bring those questions into the quiet: Am I happy? What do I enjoy? What do I want this next part of my life to mean? How Fear May Show Up Before Retirement You may notice yourself: Delaying retirement even though work is affecting your wellbeing Repeatedly calculating money without feeling reassured Becoming tearful or irritable when retirement is discussed Worrying that you will become invisible or irrelevant Feeling jealous of people who appear excited about retiring Imagining long, empty days with nothing meaningful to do Struggling to sleep because of financial worries Avoiding conversations about pensions or future plans Feeling guilty because you are not more grateful or excited Considering a new job simply to avoid the uncertainty of stopping You may also feel relief, anticipation and fear at the same time. Retirement is not one emotion. It is an adjustment that may involve both loss and possibility. How to Build a Retirement You Can Picture 1. Plan a life, not only a leaving date Knowing when you will finish work is not the same as knowing how you want to live afterwards. Picture an ordinary Tuesday rather than an ideal holiday. Ask yourself: What time would I like to get up? Who would I speak to? How would I move my body? What would give the day a sense of progress? Where would I feel useful? How much solitude would feel restorative rather than lonely? A satisfying retirement usually needs rhythm, connection and purpose—not a permanently full diary. 2. Practise retirement before it begins You do not have to wait until your final working day to discover what suits you. Consider testing potential routines now: Join a weekly group or class. Volunteer occasionally. Restart a neglected hobby. Spend a day off without work-related tasks. Meet someone regularly for a walk or coffee. Explore part-time or flexible work. Try a short course in something that interests you. Notice which activities leave you feeling energised and which simply fill time. 3. Replace the functions work provides Rather than asking only, “What

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Is It Normal to Want a Completely New Career or Business at 60?

Yes, wanting a completely new career or business at 60 can be a healthy and understandable response to changing priorities, greater self-knowledge and a desire to use your remaining working years meaningfully. It is worth approaching the idea with both courage and care, particularly when your income, pension, health or family security could be affected. Perhaps you have spent decades doing what was sensible. You worked, raised a family, paid bills, cared for other people and kept postponing the idea that quietly followed you through the years. Now, at 60, it is speaking more loudly. You may want to train for a new profession, open a small business, turn a creative skill into an income or finally build something that belongs to you. The desire can feel exciting and slightly ridiculous at the same time—especially when the world keeps suggesting that you should be winding down rather than beginning again. A Quick Answer Sixty is not too late to change direction. Healthy ageing is not simply about avoiding illness; the World Health Organisation describes it as maintaining the ability to do what you value throughout life. That can include learning, making decisions, contributing and pursuing work that feels meaningful. Read more in the WHO explanation of healthy ageing and functional ability. However, a good idea still needs a realistic foundation. Reinvention does not require you to ignore risk, invest all your savings or prove that age is “just a number.” The strongest next chapter may be built slowly-through research, testing, training and careful financial planning-helping you feel secure and in control of your reinvention process. Why a New Beginning Can Call at 60 1. Your priorities have changed The things that motivated you at 30 may not carry the same weight now. You may care less about titles, approval and climbing a professional ladder. You may want autonomy, flexibility, creativity, useful work or enough control over your time to care for your health and relationships. This is not necessarily a crisis. It may be a clearer understanding of what you want your life to contain. 2. You have experience you could not have had earlier By 60, you may understand people, systems and problems in a way that cannot be learned quickly from a course. You may have spent years developing skills such as: Communicating with different personalities Managing conflict and uncertainty Organising complex responsibilities Building trust Recognising what customers or clients need Remaining calm when plans change Knowing which problems are worth solving You may be new to a particular industry without being new to work, responsibility or human behaviour. 3. You finally have room to hear your own ambitions For many women, earlier adulthood is shaped by necessity. Careers are selected based on childcare, family income, a partner’s work, caring responsibilities, or whatever opportunity was available at the time. When those pressures change, an old question may return: What would I choose if I were choosing for myself now? That question can be both liberating and uncomfortable. 4. You want to create something meaningful A new business may not be about becoming wealthy or building a large company. You may want to write, teach, consult, design, provide a service, or turn lived experience into something useful. Meaning can become more important when time feels more visible. You may no longer want to spend your working hours on something that leaves you empty. What This Desire Can Look Like in Everyday Life The wish for change may begin quietly. You might find yourself: Watching videos about a completely different profession Writing business ideas in the back of a notebook Feeling energised when discussing a particular problem or service Becoming restless or disengaged in your current role Imagining how you would structure your days if you worked for yourself Worrying that other people will laugh or call you unrealistic Comparing yourself with younger people who seem more confident with technology Feeling guilty about risking money you worked hard to build Wanting change but feeling unable to choose a starting point You may also feel grief. Beginning something new can require acknowledging that the old career, identity, or dream no longer fits. Ambition and fear can sit together Confidence does not always arrive before action. Sometimes you begin while still wondering whether you are capable. Fear may be asking sensible questions: Can I afford this? Do people need what I want to offer? How long might it take to earn? What happens if my health changes? Am I prepared to learn unfamiliar systems? What would failure cost me? The aim is not to eliminate every fear. It is to separate useful caution from the voice that says women become invisible, irrelevant or incapable after a certain age. How to Explore Reinvention Without Risking Everything 1. Define what you are moving towards Try to describe the idea in one clear sentence. For example: “I want to provide bookkeeping services to local charities.” “I want to retrain as a counsellor.” “I want to sell handmade products online.” “I want to turn my professional experience into consultancy work.” Having a clear, specific idea like providing bookkeeping services or selling handmade products helps you stay motivated and makes investigation easier, preventing overwhelm. 2. Test the smallest workable version You may not need to resign immediately, rent premises or spend heavily on branding. A small test could involve: Speaking with five potential customers Offering a limited pilot service Taking one introductory course Freelancing for a few hours each week Selling at one local event Creating a basic sample or portfolio Shadowing someone already doing the work Testing small steps like offering a pilot service or shadowing someone helps you build confidence and explore your idea responsibly. 3. Take an honest skills inventory Write down what you already know, what can transfer and what needs updating. You may need support with technology, marketing, regulations or bookkeeping. Needing training does not mean you are too old; it means you are entering a new field thoughtfully. Remember, your

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Is It Normal to Wake Up with Joint Pain After Menopause?

Yes, waking with aching or stiff joints after menopause is common, but it’s not inevitable. Persistent or severe pain should be discussed with a healthcare professional to help you feel more confident in your health management. There is a particular kind of frustration in waking after a full night in bed and feeling as though your body has not rested with you. Your fingers may resist making a fist, your knees may feel reluctant to bend, or your hips may need several careful steps before they loosen. The discomfort may improve once you begin moving, helping you feel more in control. Gentle activity can support your daily comfort and reduce worry about ongoing pain. A Quick Answer Joint and muscle pain are recognised symptoms of menopause and can continue after periods have stopped. Hormonal changes may contribute, but joint pain after menopause can also be related to reduced movement, declining muscle strength, osteoarthritis, injury, poor sleep or an inflammatory condition. The NHS menopause symptoms guide includes muscle aches and joint pain among possible symptoms. This does not mean that every painful joint after menopause is caused by lower oestrogen, however. The location, timing and pattern of your symptoms matter. Mild stiffness that settles after a few minutes of gentle movement is different from a hot, swollen joint or stiffness that continues for much of the morning. Why Your Joints May Feel Stiffer After Menopause 1. Menopause-related changes may play a part Menopause is linked to musculoskeletal symptoms, including muscle and joint pain, and NICE recommends staying active to help maintain muscle mass and support mobility. The exact cause of menopause-related joint pain is not always clear. Hormonal changes may influence tissues involved in movement and how pain is experienced, but menopause is rarely the only possible explanation. If your pain worsens or persists, discussing the pattern with a healthcare professional can help you feel supported and reassured that your concerns are taken seriously. 2. Your body has been still for several hours Joints commonly feel stiffer after a period of inactivity. Overnight, you have not been regularly bending your knees, opening your hands or shifting weight through your hips. This is why the first movements of the morning may feel more difficult than movements later in the day. Osteoarthritis, in particular, can cause increased pain and stiffness after a joint has not moved for a while. 3. Muscle strength may have reduced Strong muscles help support and stabilise your joints. When activity levels fall, the surrounding muscles may become less able to share the physical load. This can happen gradually after illness, injury, caring responsibilities, a more sedentary job or simply falling out of an old exercise routine. It is not a personal failure, and rebuilding strength does not require punishing workouts. 4. Poor sleep can make pain feel worse Pain can interrupt sleep, and disrupted sleep can increase pain sensitivity the following day. Night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, snoring, or repeatedly waking to use the bathroom may therefore add another layer to morning discomfort. If you often wake feeling unrefreshed, mentioning your sleep habits along with your joint symptoms during your appointment can help identify contributing factors and improve your overall management. 5. Osteoarthritis becomes more common with age Osteoarthritis can cause pain, stiffness, reduced movement, tenderness and sometimes a grating or crackling sensation. It commonly affects the knees, hips and small joints of the hands. Morning stiffness associated with osteoarthritis often begins to ease within about 30 minutes. This is only a general pattern, not a test you can use to diagnose yourself. What Morning Joint Pain Can Look Like in Everyday Life You may notice that: Your fingers feel puffy or difficult to bend when you wake. Your feet hurt during the first steps out of bed. Your knees need time before stairs feel manageable. Your hips feel stiff after sleeping on one side. Getting dressed or fastening buttons takes longer. You need a warm shower before your body feels ready for the day. Pain improves with movement but returns after sitting. You have stopped walking or exercising because you fear making it worse. Discomfort wakes you when you turn over at night. You feel older than you expected to feel. Joint symptoms can also affect confidence. You may begin declining outings, avoiding uneven ground or asking yourself whether every ache is the beginning of permanent decline. Pain deserves attention, but it does not automatically mean that your body is fragile. In many conditions, appropriate movement and gradual strengthening are important parts of supporting function. Supporting Comfort, Strength and Mobility 1. Begin the morning gently Before standing, try a few comfortable movements in bed or while sitting on the edge. You might: Slowly open and close your hands. Circle your ankles in both directions. Bend and straighten each knee. Roll your shoulders gently. Take several slow breaths before standing. Movements should feel controlled rather than forced. Stop if an exercise causes sharp or severe pain. 2. Use warmth for stiffness A warm shower, bath, heated pad or hot-water bottle may help a stiff joint feel more comfortable. Cold packs may be more soothing when a joint feels swollen or irritated. Protect your skin by wrapping hot or cold packs in a towel, and do not use extreme temperatures on areas with reduced sensation. The NHS notes that hot or cold packs can relieve osteoarthritis symptoms for some people. 3. Keep moving without pushing through severe pain It can be tempting to stop using a painful joint completely. However, prolonged inactivity can increase stiffness and reduce the strength of the muscles supporting it. Regular movement and strengthening are central parts of osteoarthritis care. The NHS guidance on osteoarthritis treatment recommends a combination of muscle-strengthening activity and exercise that supports general fitness. Begin below your maximum effort and increase gradually. Walking, water-based exercise, cycling, resistance bands and simple strength exercises may suit different women, depending on the joint involved and their health. 4. Pace activity rather than doing everything

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Is It Normal to Feel Burnt Out by Your Career?

Yes, feeling burnt out in a career you once loved is common, particularly after prolonged stress, heavy responsibility, or a significant change in your life. But it should not automatically be dismissed as a normal part of working life, especially if the exhaustion is persistent, your health is being affected, or you no longer feel like yourself. Loving your career does not make you immune to burnout. In fact, people who care deeply about their work may keep pushing long after their emotional and physical reserves have begun to run low. You may still believe in the work. You may still care about the people you serve, the difference you make or the career you spent years building. Yet somewhere between the deadlines, responsibilities, unpaid emotional labour and constant need to keep going, the work may have begun to feel heavier than it once did. That does not make you ungrateful, weak or incapable. It may mean something in your working life, your personal life or your health needs attention. The Quick answer Burnout is more than having a bad week or longing for a holiday. The World Health Organisation describes it as an occupational phenomenon arising from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is associated with three broad experiences: Persistent exhaustion Growing mental distance, negativity or cynicism about work Feeling less effective or confident in your professional role Burnout is not classified as a medical condition, and there is no single test that can confirm it. However, its effects can still be significant and deserve support. You can read the World Health Organisation’s explanation of occupational burnout. Temporary fatigue or deeper burnout? Temporary tiredness often has an identifiable cause. Perhaps you have completed a demanding project, covered staff shortages or had several nights of poor sleep. When the pressure eases, and you have time to rest, your energy and interest usually begin to return. Burnout can feel different. A weekend, day off or holiday may provide temporary relief, but the dread, detachment or exhaustion quickly returns when you think about work. You may notice that: Rest does not seem to restore you properly. Work you once found meaningful now feels empty or irritating. You feel numb, resentful or unusually cynical. Small tasks feel disproportionately difficult. You are questioning your ability despite years of competence. Your working day consumes the energy you need for the rest of your life. The pattern, duration and effect on your daily functioning matter more than whether your experience matches every supposed sign of burnout. Why Burnt Out by Your Career May happen Burnout rarely results from a single difficult day. It usually develops gradually, often while you are still managing to appear capable. 1. The pressure has lasted too long Periods of pressure are sometimes unavoidable. Problems arise when urgency becomes the norm in your working life, and there is no realistic opportunity to recover. Excessive workloads, low control, job insecurity, discrimination, inadequate staffing and unclear expectations can all affect mental wellbeing at work. The WHO emphasises that workplace conditions—not simply an individual worker’s resilience—can increase mental-health risks. You can explore the WHO guidance on mental health at work. be doing the work of two people, constantly responding to emergencies or working within a system that expects more than one person can reasonably provide. No amount of bubble bath, positive thinking or improved time management can fully compensate for a workplace that is chronically under-resourced or unsafe. 2. You have been carrying an invisible mental load Many women finish their paid working day only to begin another shift at home. You may be remembering appointments, managing family relationships, organising childcare, checking on ageing parents, preparing meals, noticing what everyone needs and quietly preventing things from falling apart. Even when other people help, you may still be the one who notices, plans, delegates and follows up. That constant background responsibility uses emotional and cognitive energy. The career may not be the only source of exhaustion. It may simply be the place where your depleted reserves become most obvious. 3. The emotional demands of the work have changed you Some careers require you to absorb other people’s fear, distress, conflict or expectations. Healthcare, teaching, social care, customer-facing work, leadership and caregiving roles can involve a great deal of emotional labour. You may have spent years being calm for other people while having little space to process what the work has cost you. Over time, emotional protection can begin to look like detachment. You stop feeling as deeply because feeling everything has become too painful or exhausting. 4. Your priorities may have changed A career that suited you at 25 may not fit the woman you are at 38, 45 or 55. Your values may have shifted. You may want more time, freedom, creativity, stability, rest or connection than you did earlier in life. Perhaps achievement once gave you a strong sense of identity, but now the sacrifices it requires feel too costly. Changing priorities do not erase the love you once had for your career. They may simply mean that an old arrangement no longer fits your present life. 5. You may feel disappointed or trapped Burnout can contain grief. You may be grieving the career you thought you would have, the organisation you once believed in or the version of yourself who used to arrive at work full of energy. There may also be guilt. You worked hard to qualify. Other people admire what you do. Your family may depend on your income. Leaving, reducing your hours or changing direction may feel irresponsible, even when staying exactly as you are feels increasingly difficult. What it can look like in everyday life Burnout does not always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like a woman sitting in her car for ten minutes before going to work because she cannot bring herself to open the door. It might look like: Waking with a sense of dread on working days Feeling exhausted before the

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Is It Normal to Feel Sudden Rage or Anxiety During Perimenopause?

Yes, sudden irritability, intense anger or anxiety can occur during perimenopause, although these feelings should not simply be dismissed as “just hormones.” The pattern, severity, and effect on your daily life matter, especially if the feelings are new, difficult to control, or affecting your safety, relationships, or ability to function. You may be calmly making breakfast, answering an email or driving home when something small suddenly feels unbearable. The intensity can be frightening, particularly if you have always thought of yourself as patient, steady or able to cope. This does not mean you are becoming a different person. It may mean that hormonal changes, disrupted sleep, accumulated stress and other pressures are reducing the emotional breathing space you once had. A Quick Answer Recognizing that mood changes are common during perimenopause and menopause can help women feel understood and less alone in their experiences. Women may experience anxiety, low mood, mood swings, irritability, difficulty concentrating and disrupted sleep, and poor sleep can make emotional symptoms feel worse. The NHS guide to perimenopause and menopause symptoms explains these changes in more detail. “Rage” is not a formal medical diagnosis. It is a word some women use to describe anger that feels unusually intense, immediate or out of proportion to the situation. Perimenopause may be part of the explanation, but it is important to consider the whole picture. Anxiety, depression, thyroid problems, medication effects, relationship strain, caregiving demands and other health conditions can produce similar or overlapping symptoms. Why this may happen 1. Hormonal fluctuations may affect mood During perimenopause, levels of reproductive hormones do not simply fall in a smooth, predictable line. They can fluctuate as the ovaries gradually change their pattern of hormone production. These changes may influence brain systems involved in mood, sleep and emotional regulation. Some women notice increased irritability, tearfulness, anxiety or a lower tolerance for stress, while others experience few emotional symptoms. A history of significant premenstrual mood symptoms or postnatal depression may be relevant, although women without either history can also experience mood changes during the menopause transition. 2. Poor sleep reduces emotional resilience You may be waking because of night sweats, anxiety, pain, needing to urinate or simply being unable to stay asleep. Even when you technically spend enough hours in bed, repeated waking can leave you feeling unrefreshed. Sleep deprivation can make it harder to concentrate, pause before reacting and recover from ordinary frustrations. The NHS notes that sleep problems during perimenopause can contribute to irritability, stress and anxiety. 3. Stress may be reaching a tipping point Perimenopause often arrives during a demanding stage of life. You may be managing work, children, ageing parents, financial pressure, relationship changes or your own health concerns. Hormonal changes may not have created every source of stress, but they can make an already overloaded nervous system feel less able to absorb one more demand. Sometimes what feels like sudden rage is the final visible moment of exhaustion that has been building quietly for months. What it can look like in everyday life Mood changes do not look the same for every woman. You might notice: Snapping over small noises, interruptions or unfinished tasks Feeling suddenly furious and then ashamed afterwards Waking with anxiety before anything has happened Experiencing racing thoughts or a sense of impending danger Becoming more sensitive to criticism or conflict Feeling overwhelmed in busy shops, meetings or social situations Crying more easily than usual Struggling to calm down after an argument Avoiding people because you fear losing your temper Feeling tense, restless or unable to switch off Not recognising your usual emotional responses You may also notice physical sensations such as a racing heartbeat, sweating, trembling, nausea, chest tightness, dizziness, or hot flashes. These can occur with anxiety, but new or severe physical symptoms should not automatically be assumed to be hormonal. Other possible explanations Depression or an anxiety disorder Mood changes related to perimenopause are not always the same as clinical depression or an anxiety disorder. Persistent hopelessness, loss of interest, intense guilt, frequent panic or anxiety that affects most areas of life may need separate assessment and treatment. Perimenopause and a mental-health condition can also occur together. You do not have to decide which label fits before asking for help. Premenstrual syndrome or PMDD If you still have periods, severe irritability or anxiety may follow a cyclical pattern, becoming worse during the week or two before bleeding begins and improving afterwards. Keeping a daily record can help distinguish a menstrual pattern from symptoms that are present throughout the month. Thyroid problems or other physical conditions An overactive thyroid can cause anxiety, irritability, palpitations, sweating and sleep problems. Anaemia, chronic pain, medication side effects, alcohol use and other health concerns may also affect mood or energy. A healthcare professional can decide whether blood tests, a medication review or another assessment would be appropriate. Life circumstances that need attention Not every emotion should be explained away as a symptom. Anger may be signalling that your workload is unreasonable, your boundaries are repeatedly ignored or a relationship feels unequal or unsafe. Hormonal changes can intensify a feeling without making the underlying problem imaginary. What may help 1. Track the pattern without judging yourself For several weeks, make a brief daily note of: Your mood and anxiety level Sleep quality Menstrual bleeding Hot flushes or night sweats Alcohol and caffeine intake Significant stress or conflict Medicines or supplements What was happening before the feeling began The aim is not to monitor every emotion obsessively. It is to look for patterns you can discuss with a healthcare professional. 2. Create a pause before responding When anger rises quickly, the first goal is not to solve the entire situation. It is to give your nervous system enough time to come down from its peak. You might: Step into another room when it is safe to do so. Unclench your jaw and lower your shoulders. Breathe out slowly for longer than you breathe in. Drink water or splash

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Menopause & Perimenopause Tools

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Menopause & Perimenopause Tools

Hormone Health Checkers

Wellness Tracking & Lifestyle Tools

Menopause & Perimenopause Tools

Hormone Health Checkers

Wellness Tracking & Lifestyle Tools

Menopause & Perimenopause Tools

Hormone Health Checkers

Wellness Tracking & Lifestyle Tools

FemPhases Editorial Team

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When You No Longer Feel Like the Woman You Used to Be

Is It Normal to Be Afraid of Retirement?

Is It Normal to Want a Completely New Career or Business at 60?

Is It Normal to Wake Up with Joint Pain After Menopause?

Is It Normal to Feel Sudden Rage or Anxiety During Perimenopause?

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